Timing was everything. As I stood in line waiting to get my Diamond Mine Club Card at the Turning Stone casino Saturday night, I stared off into the smoky gambling hall, thinking about how to make my kill, and about how my clothes were gonna stink like sh!t when this was all over. But that didn't matter, as I had a job to do. I knew my target was four places behind me in line, but I was surrounded by many "community members." I foiled kill would expose me and lay waste upon my scheming plans. Then, after 50 minutes in line (thats CRAZY! I'm BRIAN FELLOWS!) it was my turn to get my Diamond card. I got it, and then was asked by a group of seven gorgeously beautiful women to accompany them into the "high rollers" gambling area. My first reaction was, "OH BABY!" but then my thoughts returned to the seriousness of the Gotcha! game, and what was at stake here. Without a second thought, I brushed off the ladies with the simple and poignant phrase, "What you all need is a teddy bear," and as they walked off into the purple haze, I turned towards my victim. It would be another 10 minutes till he got his card and I would be able to get him away from the crowd. The minutes seemed like hours. Tick...tock...tick...tock...went the giant gold plated "10 Million Dollar Bonus Bucks Game" clock. Finally, my victim received his card, chose his pin number (4387) and left the counter. I went up to him and motioned him towards me, near the $1 slot machines. When he came close, at exactly 10:41pm, I said, "Gotcha." BEN BERGER was devastated. He told me that all he wanted in life was to last more that three days in this Gotcha! game and now it was all over. I acted all macho, punched him in the stomach, and told him to suck it up. As he laid on the floor, clutching his stomach, he tried to tell me something. I could just make out the name of my next victim. I didn't expect Ben to give me this information so easily, but it was clear then that he had moved past this game and was ready to start gambling. That is, after he recovered from...THE KILL! Stay tuned for the next installment in the "Brian Kills Everyone" saga...and a message to whomever has me: I can run, I can hide, I can't drive (no car here), but I have like a 1.1% hearing loss in my right ear, so if you want to even try to get me, yer gonna have to get real close! Ha hah hah ha hah hah ah ha ha! Good night, and sleep tight. Geez, my clothes really stink like sh!t...

---Brian "Killing in the name of" Weinberg

P.S. I won $10 and my sister won big $$$